rhymes with "ouble enetration"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
