More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
do nipples grow back?
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