He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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