we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
