You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
