lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
