Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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