so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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