I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
not ubering you a puppy
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