Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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