i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
