I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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