so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
