I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
false alarm, still single
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
