i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
