I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
