the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
