A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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