I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
