I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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