We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
