you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
