you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
