So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Houston, we have a squirter
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
