Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
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