So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i may or may not be watching the land before time
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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