Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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