I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
