i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
