I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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