dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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