can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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