if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
