Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
