worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize