I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
