Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
