Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
