bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
