I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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