I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize