i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
