I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
