Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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