Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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