I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
