My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
