Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
