My brain says no but my pants say off.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
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dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
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So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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