Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
