Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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