I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
