idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
