so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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