don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
