I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
