Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My ass is underappreciated
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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