weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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