Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
