how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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